Midlife Therapy: When Life Doesn't Match the Picture You Imagined

Maybe you're just approaching midlife... slowly easing out of your 30s into your 40s, or well settled in the middle of your 40s or 50’s and finding yourself face-to-face with the question: "How did I get here, and is this really my life?"

Many women in midlife reach this crossroads where deep reflection begins. This can be a time when we examine what has come before—what we imagined life would be like and how it's actually unfolding. Often, those two can stand in stark contrast or, at the very least, not quite hit the mark. This realization can evoke feelings of disappointment, regret, shame, and the haunting question: "What did I do wrong?"

I recently heard Elizabeth Gilbert and author Jennifer Pastiloff joke about how her book title: "Not What I Expected" could be the title of every human's autobiography from 40 onward. It's so utterly human to arrive here and begin to see these contrasts between what we imagined and what is.

The healing that had to come first

For many of us, the lasting impacts of trauma or attachment wounding affected much of our early adult life. When we're carrying the weight of unhealed wounds, it's harder to make choices from a clear, grounded place. It can take the first decade or two of our adult life just to tend and heal those wounds enough to feel steady in this thing called life.

Maybe you've taken that time to heal—to tend to your trauma or early wounding in a deep, supportive way. This work takes time, but it's fundamental to our wellbeing and to crafting a path forward from a more grounded and present place.

And here you are—having done that sacred work of healing. You've tended your wounds with courage and care. Now, standing on more solid ground in your 40s, you might find yourself looking around and wondering: "What now?"

If you're no longer dictated by survival responses or the old strategies you needed in early life, who are you now? What do you want for yourself in this chapter?

The Grief and the Longing

This arrival can come with grief—grief for the life unlived, the dreams deferred, the years spent in healing mode. And it can also come with deep longings. Longing to claim your life, your aliveness, your essence. To live fully in this second half of life.

There's something profound about reaching this place. You've done the work. You've earned your wisdom. Now there's space for a different question: "What is possible now?"

Therapy for Midlife Transitions: Embracing What's Possible

I love supporting women who are ready for this growth and exploration through midlife therapy—women who are asking what's possible now that they're no longer operating from old wounds. Women seeking therapy for midlife transitions want to live from a more grounded, aligned, and present place as they move forward.

In our therapeutic work together, we explore what it means to manifest not just goals or achievements, but ways of being that matter to you—qualities and offerings that are essential to your core. This isn't about becoming someone new; it's about stepping more fully into who you've always been beneath the layers of survival and adaptation.

There are bumps along this path as we practice stepping again and again into our truest expression. Old patterns resurface. Doubt creeps in. The world around us might not understand this deeper calling.

This is where the real work happens—returning again and again to the essence of yourself, even when it feels vulnerable or uncertain. Learning to trust your inner knowing. Allowing your wild, wise nature to emerge and guide you forward.

Ready to Begin Your Midlife Journey of Self-Discovery?

If you're in this season of life—having done the healing work and now ready to explore what's possible—you're not alone. This threshold you're standing on is sacred. The questions you're asking are important. The longings stirring in you deserve attention.

This is the season to remember who you are beneath it all. To root deep in your truth and rise into what wants to emerge through you.

You are not too late. You are not behind. You are exactly where you need to be to begin again.

Are you ready to reconnect with your essence and navigate this midlife transition with support? I offer compassionate therapy for women in midlife who are seeking deeper alignment and authenticity in their lives.

Schedule your complimentary 20-minute consultation to explore how we can work together. Let's create space for what's stirring within you and support you as you step into this next chapter of your life.

Serving women in Berkeley, Oakland, and Sebastopol, California via Telehealth